I am whatever you say I am.

Alternate Title: Kids say the darndest things.

This isn't necessarily craft related, but it's creative, and it's my blog, so I'm posting it!

I found a treasure trove of awesome reports and paperwork from way back in high school. I am DYING of laughter at this gem, and I have to share it with you.

Did you ever have to write "I AM" poems? If you're not familiar, you can read more about them on Read, Write, Think.

It's pretty much plug and play poetry. The outline is there, you just fill in the blanks.

Here's my version from all the way back in 1996? Or 1997? I know it's before 1998 because that was the year I foresaw my fan club reaching 5000. =)

I have no idea what is all over it!

In case you can't read it, it says:

I am a silly girl who blushes easily.

I wonder how they fit all those clowns in those little clown cars.

I hear voices in my head.

I see my fan club reaching the 5,000 mark by 1998.

I want to be happy and successful in all that I do.

I am a silly girl who blushes easily.



I pretend that my poem is cool.

I feel confident in all that I do. Sort of.

I touch the ceiling when I giggle and laugh just like in Mary Poppins.

I worry about people that are unhappy.

I cry when I don't get what I want.

I am a silly girl who blushes easily.



I understand what goes up must come down.

I say everyone should have fun all the time.

I dream my dream will come true.

I try to be nice to everyone.

I hope to get an "A" on this poem.

I am a silly girl who blushes easily.


Can someone grab the flux capacitor, build a time machine and then let 15 year old-ish me know that in the future she still won't understand how they fit all those clowns in those little clown cars? And that I hope she was just kidding about hearing voices in her head? Because if not, those voices have taken over and she is just full on totally insane 15-ish years into the future? Thanks!

I love the line "I feel confident in all that I do. Sort of." Still totally resonates with me, all these years later.

Did any of you ever write an "I AM" poem? Want to write one now? Please?! I'll be your BFF for like, ever!

I doubt that I could do any better than 15 year old-ish me, but if any of you are willing to play, I'll play too!

Kill it with fire.

Coffee filters are my new arch nemesis. Not that I had actually had an old arch nemesis. So I guess it'd be more correct to say coffee filters are both my first and my current arch nemesis.

I have no idea why I have such a hard time with them! Here, in all it's lopsided, laughably ludicrous loveliness, is my latest attempt:

Don't be jealous of my mad skills, yo.

There's no other option. It must die. Or go live in the garbage can with my last attempt at coffee filter projects.

It's outrageously terrible. It's the ugliest thing ever. It's beyond awful. It makes me giggle.

Just so that image isn't burned in your head, he's something I made that won't make you cry:




I'm having much better luck with books, so I think I'm going to to try to follow Lindsay's awesome tutorial for her book page wreath.

Another wreath? I need a support group!

Show of hands...

...who got the new Serena and Lily catalog and is already planning how to make this?



You can see a larger image of their Seychelles Chandelier by clicking here.

Beautiful, right? Over my budget, right? Totally doable, right?

So far all I've figured out is embroidery hoops, jute, and beads. I know it can be done!

I know that there's someone out there who will make this. I know that there's someone out there who will make it way better than I could possibly ever dream of making it. I know there's someone out there who will post a tutorial.

And I know that I'll follow along with said tutorial in my own half-arsed way.

So, who's up for it? Show of hands? Show me what you've got!

Don't make me attempt this on my own, fail miserably and cry.

I'm totally ugly when I cry.

Crafting: Because it's way more fun than laundry...

Laundry is my least favorite household task.

It used to be washing dishes It used to be washing cups, specifically. Before we had a dishwasher, the house looked like a scene from the movie Signs, just cups all over the place. Waiting for me to wash them, or the alien invasion, whichever came first.

Anyway, laundry. Yeah. I wish I was one of the awesome women in the world who is on top of her laundry. Folding it, ironing it, putting it all away right away. Washing like with like. Paying attention to the instructions on the tags.

I'm not though, and I'm pretty sure at this point in my life that's not about to change. I'm cool with it, because if I was a good-at-doing-laundry person, I would possibly be using the clothespins I found in the laundry area and wouldn't have gotten to make this project!

Design*Sponge featured an awesome clothespin mirror complete with tutorial from Diane at In My Own Style. Have you seen it?

After realizing that I had all the materials on hand, I decided to give it a go:

Mirror
Clothes Pins
Hot Glue
Glue Gun
Spray Paint (optional)

Diane did a few different versions of this mirror, and spray painted one of them. I'm pretty much obsessed with spray painting since my vases last week, so I jumped at the chance to break out the spray paint and make a white mirror.

First up, clip the clothespins to the mirror to find the correct spacing:


I was a little sloppy with how I clipped them since I was going to take them right off to spray paint.

Lay out the clothespins to spray paint.




Get really, really super excited that you're about to get your spray painting fix. (This is optional and you can skip this part if you aren't me, and aren't currently obsessed with spray painting, but I still highly recommend it!)

I didn't flip them and do the other side, since I'm lazy and figured you wouldn't really notice once it was hung. You can do that if you're patient, but I was ready to get working already.




Break out the glue gun and put a dab of glue on the backside of the clothespins. Continue one by one until you're all done.

Flip it over and realize that even though the backside looks AMAZING! the front is all wonky. Remove the clothespins that are crooked, and correct it. Laugh at yourself for being so bad at crafting. (Again, this is optional though I don't suggest you do this one. You're a good crafter, after all!)

Once you're sure that the spacing is correct on the front, go mad with the hot glue and fill in all the spots. Then, Slip some ribbon through the hanger:


After testing it, I decided I liked it better without the ribbon. I hung it on an empty wall in my husband's game room. "You're taking over my room too, now?" "It's so boring in here, though! I'll just take some pictures, and take it down!" (It's still there, by the way. He's cool like that!)

Here's how it looks in all it's hand print and hot glue tail glory:



Now imagine that without the smudges. Winning!

Cute, cheap and easy. Exactly what I like.

I'm on such a crafting high, I'm going to attempt to make a coffee filter project. Last time it didn't turn out so well for me, but I'm feeling brave. It can't possibly turn out any worse, so I've got high hopes.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

I'm linking up here:

Stuck like glue...

Or stuck because of glue, rather. Hot glue to be exact.

Ready for the dumbest question you'll hear all week? Possibly all year?

How the heck do I get a felt flower off a yarn wreath?

Is there an easy way? Aside from removing all the yarn that I already painstakingly wrapped for a babillion hours of my life?

Y'all are super smart, help me out here! Pretty please with a cherry and chocolate sprinkles on top?

Pretty please tell me I'm not going to have to cut it and start over. Looky-loo at how cute this could be, if only the flower was gone!

Because I swear if I have to start over, I'll just quit. Seriously.

Do you have any advice? Words of wisdom? Names to call me? Help me, please!

Awesomesauce! A High and Low Linky Party

You already follow Jennifer from Life, Crafts and Whatever, right? If you don't, you should. I'm pretty much in love with her blog. What I love most is that it almost feels like a one-sided conversation I'd have with a friend, it's real and honest and funny.

I found her blog a bit ago when I came across this post UFC + subway art = home decor?

I was all, "OMG! A CRAFT/HOME DECOR BLOGGER WHO LOVES MMA?! SHUT UP!"

You all may not know this about me yet, but I'm also an MMA fan. Back in 2006 my husband and I drove 17 hours to Moline, IL to see Pat Miletich fight Renzo Gracie. We had off for three days, and drove 17 hours EACH way. We went to see his MFS Gym, home of the IFL's Quad City Silverbacks. I was a casual fan before and had attended events, but that was what made me love the sport and become a real fan.

/end tangent

I was super excited when I saw that Jennifer was hosting this linky party:



When I'm feeling a bit down or off, I like to think back over all the things in the recent past I have to be grateful for, so this is right up my alley! I think we can all use this, so grab her button and come play along!

Lows:

• I didn't get to see my mother or grandmother for mother's day. I live about 3 hours away, and it just wasn't in the cards for today.
  

• I can't find my favorite flip flops. They just up and disappeared, because I had them last week and now they are gone. They're perfectly molded to my feet from wearing them all last summer, and I'm bummed just thinking about having to break in a new pair.
  

• I totally slacked in responding to blog comments. Sorry, I promise I'll get better at this!
  

Highs:

• My brother-in-law graduated from college yesterday. My husband and I have been together since he was like 9, so I totally think of him as my own little bro, too. He's off to Vet School in the fall, and we're all so freaking proud of him.
  

• I got my hair cut, and the new stylist really got what I was saying. I put on a brave face before hair cuts, "It's just hair, it'll grow back if I hate it!" Luckily, I love it, it's super cute!

I have really, really thick hair and it grows super fast. That might sound awesome, but it's not. It's a PITArse to manage, so I'm thrilled with this cut. I can possibly now go six weeks without a hair cut and still look alright. Possibly.

• We're a few weeks out from our next cruise! 9 nights of Caribbean bliss coming right up!

• My family are watching our animals, so that means I'm just a few weeks out from seeing them and getting to hang out a bit!
  

• Speaking of my awesome family, my parents gave us a patio set for Christmas and it was finally nice enough today to put it together. This is our first nice set, and I am so excited to trade up from the plastic chairs and broken plastic table we've used for the last three years. (The table had a hole in it, and we had a box of dominoes on top that covered the hole. For three years. No lie!)

We broke out the grill, made burgers and played yahtzee while rocking out to summer tunes it was so nice!

• While talking about today and the previous "High," I found out that my iPhone corrects the word "Awesome" to "Awesomesauce"

Super High:

My phone may think I'm lame, but YOU (the collective "you" of blogland, at least) don't! This week I've received more comments and emails than ever before, and because of that I've found cool new blogs to follow! I'd like to sincerely thank you all in blogland for being so welcoming, encouraging, thoughtful and inspiring.

I really, really appreciate it and I think you're all AWESOMESAUCE!

Can I get an "A" for effort?

For the longest time, I thought that was the dumbest saying. "Um, Effort starts with an E, dummy pants," I'd think while silently judging the person who used the phrase. Man, I'm so embarrassing sometimes.

And speaking of embarrassing, I decided to tackle a project I've had in my "To Try" files forever.

Erica at P.S. I Made This made these amazing (Seriously, I need new adjectives!) faux pottery vases from puffy paint, spray paint, and cans/bottles.

Confession: I've never used puffy paint OR spray paint before today. (That might be a lie, I have a vague memory of making a shirt in first grade with puffy paint, but I don't know if I actually did or if I'm just creating awesome fake craft memories. I've always been a horrible crafter. I can't draw a straight line to save my life, and I half-joke that I was absent the day in preschool we learned to use scissors because I can't cut right. Back in school, every single project I did for classes or science fairs was a hot mess. So, I'm inclined to believe that I'm just making up the puffy paint memory.)

So, I took a trip to Michael's and the dollar store to pick up some supplies.



Puffy Paint
Painters Tape (dollar store)
Spray Paint
Glass vases (already on hand from a previous project)

I had this totally fantastic Lazy Novice Crafter Idea* that they would look REALLY, REALLY, REALLY cool if some of the glass was showing, so I just wrapped two pieces of the painters tape around the bottom to create four separate sections.


One I did not tape at all, and the other I taped off into a chevron pattern:

Next up, start applying your puffy paint into the patterns you'd like to use. Remember, I can't draw a straight line, so I decided to go with just simple dots. Even I can do that!


The one with the painters tape was super easy to do, because I could just hold the tape and not worry about smudging my masterpiece puffy paint dots. The one without tape? Luckily, my hand fit inside. Taking it out, not so easy. I basically turned my hand into a giant suction cup, so you can imagine me trying to remove it without touching any of the paint, yes? Go ahead, take a minute to picture it. Call me dummy pants if you must.


Next, let the puffy paint dry. Watch The Nate Berkus Show. Talk to your dog about how her day is going and if she has any big plans for the weekend. Touch the puffy paint to see if it's dry. Reprimand yourself for touching the still wet puffy paint. Wait some more.

Finally, a quadrillion and two minutes later, you're ready to break out the spray paint and paint these suckers.



I used Krylon Indoor/Outdoor in gloss white. I chose it because that's what Michael's carried, and I know nothing about spray paint.

Carefully remove the tape and viola! Pretty, perfect porcelain vases:



Stop reading and following along if you're here for the tutorial.


You know I'm a lazy novice crafter, so of course they didn't turn out perfect. In fact, I'd say at this point it's a total project fail. I've got high hopes that I can fix it, but that's another project for another day.

So what went wrong?

1. I used cheap painters tape that I picked up from the dollar store. It didn't totally adhere in some spots, but I didn't realize it. You know, being a lazy novice crafter and all.

2. I got spray paint INSIDE the openings. Not a huge deal on the one that didn't have tape, but on the others you can see it through the glass.

3. I didn't listen. Every single blogger who has a tutorial that uses spray paint says the same things. Listen when they say thin, even coats are best. Listen when they say to let the paint totally dry before removing the painters tape. Listen to anyone but me, ok?

In the spirit of sharing successes along with failures, I present to you, the following photo:




I think I might be able to salvage this just fine with a razor, q-tip, paint thinner and a steady hand. But even if I can't, I'm going to consider this project fail a crafting win.

I used puffy paint and spray paint for the first time. I learned about painters tape and following the advice of other more experienced crafters and bloggers. I found out that my hand makes a fierce suction cup.

I'm putting on my big girl panties and linking up to the following awesome parties:













And, because this is still one of my favorite projects ever, I'm going to link on up here:



Jennifer from Life, Crafts, and Whatever is co-hosting this blog hop/linky party so even though this project is a week old, I'm hoping they'll forgive me for linking this up and not my most current post!